And So It Begins

My goal this year is to lose all of my pregnancy weight plus 40 lbs, to finally be back down to a healthy weight. This blog is going to track the journey for me, and hopefully if it's not too boring, you'll be able to stop by every once in a while and have a peek at how I'm doing. And if you're feeling so inclined, maybe offer a bit of encouragement or advice:) Please bear with me through this post as I try to sort through my thoughts on how and why I gained so much weight, and what my plan for the future is.

Last year, my friend Mandi and I embarked upon a 6 month weight loss journey and decided to blog about it. Two months in, I had a bit of a 'bump' in the road though...I got pregnant:) It was definitely something Lyndon and I wanted, we just weren't expecting that it would happen so quickly! I thought I'd have a few more months to keep losing, but after 2 months and 15 lbs gone...the scale started steadily increasing. My goal was to maintain my weight or even lose during my pregnancy (healthily...I still had 40 more pounds to lose, so it was safe), but sadly, that wasn't the case. NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! I gained a whopping (are you ready for this) EIGHTY POUNDS during my pregnancy with Judah! I felt awful my entire pregnancy, struggled with depression and exhaustion for almost the whole nine months, and it led me to eat and eat, not exercise, and not care at all how much I was gaining. Actually, that's not true. I did care, and it made me even more depressed, I was just too exhausted and depressed to do anything about it. I fully believe in taking responsibility for one's actions, and I do, it was 100% my fault. But honestly, I'm scared about my next pregnancy, because when I got pregnant this time, I was motivated. I was exercising 5-6 days a week, eating extremely healthy, and still I totally fell apart. And I don't know what I could have done to change things. The obvious answer is 'don't eat family sized bags of doritos in one day and lay on the couch from 5pm on', but what I don't know how to do differently, is not do those things. I become a completely different person when I'm pregnant. Near the end, my friends, family, and even myself really believed that this was just the way I am. Lazy, perpetually exhausted, no drive, no desire to be organized or productive. But since Judah's been born, I'm a MACHINE!!:) And proud of it! I started Weight Watchers when he was 2 1/2 weeks old, started exercise 4 weeks post-partum, am doing daycare full time (started 2 1/2 weeks post-partum), my house is tidy, meals are made, laundry is always done...I'm extremely productive! So, my plan right now is to not think about what could possibly happen with the next pregnancy (if there is one, Lord willing), but just focus on now. Today. And that is where the title of my blog comes from. I am constantly focusing on the far off future, I always imagine results so far away, and then don't focus on making the changes TODAY that will get me there. So, instead of reaching for a far-off perfection, I'm going to make me a better me today, and aim for progress, not perfection (thanks Laura!).

This blog is mostly going to be about weight loss, as that is my biggest self-improvement journey right now. But I'll probably be blogging about other stuff as well, just because weight loss seems to be worked into all parts of life. My friend Laura started a blog that is pretty much the same thing, so Laura...I'm copying you:) I hear that's the sincerest form of flattery:p

I have gained/lost/gained weight so many times, and I truly want and need to make this a life change. These changes need to be permanent, and spill over into all parts of my life. The idea of aiming for progress instead of perfection is my plan to do that. I am a perfectionist. I am all or nothing. In the past, I would never just go for a walk to workout. Never. What a waste of energy. If I can't do 60 minutes of hardcore cardio and weights, then what's the point? I would also never eat something like a donut in the middle of the day, and then continue eating healthy for the remainder. Never. The day is shot, it's not perfect, so I might as well cram as much junk in today as I can, and start over tomorrow. Problem with that thinking? A new mom doesn't really have the energy to do hardcore 60 minute workouts every day, so the alternative is NOTHING. And since I'm NOT perfect, and I sometimes would even have a donut (for example) 3 days in a row, the result is 3 solid days of binge eating complete junk. Bottom line, if I'm not losing, I'm gaining. I'm never maintaining. Which really, is the ultimate goal.

So now, I'm working on moderation. To be thoughtful each day about what I eat and why, and to get exercise through all different activities. And I'm happy to say, that so far, it's been working. I was working out pretty intensely for a while, but sleep deprivation is catching up to me, and I just can't keep it up. So for now, I'm walking. We live beside Boulevard Lake, a man-made lake with a 5K path around it. My goal is to walk it 3-4 times a week. So far I'm finding that I love my walking time, it's 'me time' and I either get to be alone with my thoughts or enjoy the company of a friend. I've been following weight watchers, and it's been working as well. Since starting in January, I'm down 26 pounds. I'm really happy with that, but have to keep reminding myself to focus on the small goals, because as much as 26 is, the 66 I still have to go (that's right, I started with 92 lbs to lose, yikes!) is a whole lot more!

I'm giving myself the entire year to get this weight off. My plan is by Judah's 1st birthday to be down to my goal weight. I'm going to reveal that a little later on, when I'm a bit lighter, and when you do the math to realize how much I weighed at the beginning of this journey, I'll at least weigh a lot less than that:)

One of my biggest motivating factors right now, is my health. I developed a fatty liver with all of my pregnancy weight gain, which is affecting my health. A poor diet (high fat, high sodium, processed food, etc.) has the same effect on the liver as the over-consumption of alcohol. If I don't get this fixed soon, and for good, I could really do a lot of damage.

Thanks for reading this first entry, I know I can be really wordy...I'm going to try and keep it under control as I blog this year. And thanks for your encouragement and support, I've specifically invited you to read this blog because you're a good friend, someone I admire, and would love to have supporting me along the way! And so (again) it begins:)

January 4, 2010: Start Weight-*UGH*

March 13, 2010: Down 26.4 lbs