And this week, I did both.
Bad news first: I had a hard time staying on track food wise. I'm really struggling with my hunger. I don't remember being this hungry when I was breastfeeding Kallie, and it's really tough. Thursday night, I ate WAY too much b/c hunger just overtook me (I had 3 big helpings of pasta casserole, a big salad, about 20 crackers with pb and some pudding), and still, after ALL that food, I was HUNGRY. Not just, meh, I could eat, but wow, I'm starving! That was about 45 minutes after eating everything, and then I just got hungrier and hungrier. I'm not totally sure what to do about it, but I need to figure something out!
Good news (the wins!): I started running this week! It was only once, but it was awesome! I've missed running so much! I had convinced myself that I was too fat to run, and was going to wait another 10-15 lbs to start. But then, a good song came on my ipod (I was doing my 5K walk) and I just started running! It's insane how painful and pathetic it was, but I did it, and I'm excited to keep doing it!
My other win, is that I'm becoming much more thoughtful about strategy and issues that are holding me back from where I want to be. I had a great talk with my friend Kat (who lost about 70 lbs a few years ago and has maintained a healthy weight since then!) about recognizing my weaknesses and making a plan to overcome them. Lyndon and I have an evening of laundry folding and talking planned, and since I'll definitely need him on board for my new strategy to work, I'll give you a more detailed recap next week.
I'm not going to my weigh-in tomorrow b/c I have a church conference all morning (which I'm so pumped for, it's Beth Moore!!!), but next week I'll definitely be going!
One big lesson I learned this week, no matter how long it takes me, as long as I don't stop, I WILL GET THERE!!! If I give up now, I'm guaranteed to fail, but if I just keep on keepin' on', eventually, I have to lose all this weight! So that's what I'm going to do...JUST KEEP ON GOING!:)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
SUCCESS!!!
This was a successful week, for 3 reasons:
1. I lost 2.6 lbs. Another 1.4 to go and I'll be back where I was. I know I can accomplish that this upcoming week, and after that, hello progress-ville:)! I've missed you---I have trouble with my mindset when I'm 're-losing' weight, so I'm looking forward to getting to a lower weight again so I can be losing 'new' weight:)
2. I almost blew it yesterday, but recovered and did something I've never done before...started eating better in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY!!! I'm definitely a 'wait till Monday' kinda gal, but this time, it was minutes and I was back on track! I made the mistake of making hummus the day before (roasted red pepper, mmmmmm:) because I have a hard time controlling myself where homemade hummus is concerned. Now, I know that hummus is a healthy snack, but it still has calories and quite a bit of olive oil in it, so it can't be overeaten without consequences. I was super stressed on Friday b/c Judah had had a terrible night and was now having a very difficult day of napping, so my go to: FOOD! While the kids were snacking, I demolished probably a full cup of hummus with crackers. And then thought I'd top it off with a cup of frozen yoghurt (roughly...I was eating straight from the container;). Now, I could've blown it at this point. BUT I didn't! Victory! Thankfully, b/c I'm breastfeeding, am tall, and have a lot of weight to lose, I get a lot of points each day. So I added up the damage and planned out the rest of my day: Asparagus soup w/10 whole wheat crackers for lunch and 3 eggs scrambled with a big salad and 1 tbsp. of dressing for supper. Oh, and an orange for a snack. It was a bit tough to not eat anything else all day, but not as bad as I thought it'd be. I find that breastfeeding makes me hungry all of the time (even when I eat a full meal, I'm still hungry) so that was the hardest part. It was so worth it though, when I stepped on the scale this morning:)!
3. I exercised this week. It's been way too long, and it felt great to get back into it! I went for 3 'workout walks' (I walked more than that, but I'd only classify 3 as workouts), lifted weights twice, and did abs every day!
My goals for next week: -4 workout walks -3 days of weights -abs every day -try not to use all of my weekly flex points
-drink lots of water every day
I still haven't taken my before pictures, I have to do that before it's not really a 'before':) That's another goal: next week, before pictures posted:)!
Have a great week everyone!
1. I lost 2.6 lbs. Another 1.4 to go and I'll be back where I was. I know I can accomplish that this upcoming week, and after that, hello progress-ville:)! I've missed you---I have trouble with my mindset when I'm 're-losing' weight, so I'm looking forward to getting to a lower weight again so I can be losing 'new' weight:)
2. I almost blew it yesterday, but recovered and did something I've never done before...started eating better in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY!!! I'm definitely a 'wait till Monday' kinda gal, but this time, it was minutes and I was back on track! I made the mistake of making hummus the day before (roasted red pepper, mmmmmm:) because I have a hard time controlling myself where homemade hummus is concerned. Now, I know that hummus is a healthy snack, but it still has calories and quite a bit of olive oil in it, so it can't be overeaten without consequences. I was super stressed on Friday b/c Judah had had a terrible night and was now having a very difficult day of napping, so my go to: FOOD! While the kids were snacking, I demolished probably a full cup of hummus with crackers. And then thought I'd top it off with a cup of frozen yoghurt (roughly...I was eating straight from the container;). Now, I could've blown it at this point. BUT I didn't! Victory! Thankfully, b/c I'm breastfeeding, am tall, and have a lot of weight to lose, I get a lot of points each day. So I added up the damage and planned out the rest of my day: Asparagus soup w/10 whole wheat crackers for lunch and 3 eggs scrambled with a big salad and 1 tbsp. of dressing for supper. Oh, and an orange for a snack. It was a bit tough to not eat anything else all day, but not as bad as I thought it'd be. I find that breastfeeding makes me hungry all of the time (even when I eat a full meal, I'm still hungry) so that was the hardest part. It was so worth it though, when I stepped on the scale this morning:)!
3. I exercised this week. It's been way too long, and it felt great to get back into it! I went for 3 'workout walks' (I walked more than that, but I'd only classify 3 as workouts), lifted weights twice, and did abs every day!
My goals for next week: -4 workout walks -3 days of weights -abs every day -try not to use all of my weekly flex points
-drink lots of water every day
I still haven't taken my before pictures, I have to do that before it's not really a 'before':) That's another goal: next week, before pictures posted:)!
Have a great week everyone!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I'm Sick of Being Fat!!!
My close family and friends always cringe when I call myself fat. And they follow it with, 'Laur, you're not FAT.' And my response is always the same. 'yes, I am. I am FAT'. I started with over 90 pounds to lose. That's not plump, chubby, heavy, or overweight. It's FAT! I know it sounds terrible and that our society has such a stigma attached to the word, but honestly, that's what I am and that's how I feel. Whenever I'm around other people, I am hyper-aware that I'm fat, and feel like people look at/judge/treat me accordingly. Like last night, when I went out for drinks with a couple of girlfriends, and the waitress asked if we wanted dessert, and I thought, 'she's probably thinking, you definitely don't need dessert, but I guess that's how you got so big.' Ridiculous, I know. I'm not the centre of other people's universes, but that's how I feel where my weight is concerned. LIke that's all people can focus on or think about once they see me. When I'm going for walks around the lake, I think everyone who passes me is sizing me up and thinking about how huge I am. When we bought our new jogging stroller/chariot last weekend at a running/biking store in Wpg., all I could focus on was how the super fit staff must be looking at me and wondering why on earth I would need a jogging stroller, I obviously don't work out. And so, I'm sick of it. Sick of the thinking and sick of the FAAAAAAAT!!! I am a huge fan of counseling and self-awareness, so don't worry, I know the fact that I think this way about myself is a much bigger issue than the actual fat I have to lose. So I'm working on that too. But for right now, I'm just sick of being fat, and I'm doing something about it! I'm going to be thin THIS YEAR!!! It's been a long time since I've been fit and thin, and I'm looking forward to it.
I am only down 3 lbs from my 7 lb gain, but that's ok. I lost those three pounds while we were on a trip (which involved multiple meals out, including my sister's bday dinner at Olive Garden...mmmmm goodness:) and over the Easter weekend. I didn't go crazy on food, I just ate normally, didn't restrict much, and still lost the 3 lbs. I'm happy with it because I did it while living/eating moderately, instead of all or nothing.
While I was in Wpg. I took my measurements with my friend Mandi, and wow, that was painful and humbling. Numbers DO NOT LIE. We didn't get a chance to do my before pictures, so for now I'll leave you with the very ugly truth in numbers alone, and I'll get my before pictures posted soon.
Starting Weight (in January): 252.4 lbs
Measurements (April 3)
Waist: 43.5
Hips: 46.5
Chest: 44
R. Thigh: 29.5 (for the record, bigger than my waist size when I'm at a healthy weight...YIKES!)
R. Arm: 14.5
It was SO difficult for me to write those numbers, but I had to do. I have so much shame associate with my weight and size, I am so ashamed of how big I've allowed myself to become, and I need to face those numbers and have them out in the open so that they are not shameful any more. I will not be ashamed, I will be proud that I have a problem and am taking the steps to fix it!!! I'll keep telling myself that---right now, I just feel shame, but I'm working on it!
I am only down 3 lbs from my 7 lb gain, but that's ok. I lost those three pounds while we were on a trip (which involved multiple meals out, including my sister's bday dinner at Olive Garden...mmmmm goodness:) and over the Easter weekend. I didn't go crazy on food, I just ate normally, didn't restrict much, and still lost the 3 lbs. I'm happy with it because I did it while living/eating moderately, instead of all or nothing.
While I was in Wpg. I took my measurements with my friend Mandi, and wow, that was painful and humbling. Numbers DO NOT LIE. We didn't get a chance to do my before pictures, so for now I'll leave you with the very ugly truth in numbers alone, and I'll get my before pictures posted soon.
Starting Weight (in January): 252.4 lbs
Measurements (April 3)
Waist: 43.5
Hips: 46.5
Chest: 44
R. Thigh: 29.5 (for the record, bigger than my waist size when I'm at a healthy weight...YIKES!)
R. Arm: 14.5
It was SO difficult for me to write those numbers, but I had to do. I have so much shame associate with my weight and size, I am so ashamed of how big I've allowed myself to become, and I need to face those numbers and have them out in the open so that they are not shameful any more. I will not be ashamed, I will be proud that I have a problem and am taking the steps to fix it!!! I'll keep telling myself that---right now, I just feel shame, but I'm working on it!
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